I had the privilege of sitting with a "special needs child", whom I will call "Tammy". She is nine. I am not at all familiar with this child, her disablity, her family situation or anything about her. I was asked to sit with her so that her parents could attend a class we have at our church for parents with special needs children. This is a great blessing to these parents as it allows them time to connect, learn, talk, and just be with others who are having the same struggles they have. So, when I was asked to go sitting with Tammy, I immediatly said yes.
In this quite little room, Tammy and I sat watching Dumbo. Tammy's brother was there, reading a book. He acknowledged my presence but stayed very focused on his book. Tammy made eye contact with me, smiled and turned around. I opened my Bible with the intention of reading Luke. However, I was easily distracted by Tammy and her interaction with the movie on the small TV.
You see, I was in Tammy's world. My presence there was of no consequence to her. This movie was on a for many puroses but as with most 9 year old children who have seen a movie more than twice, she was almost constantly doing something else - playing with toys, wandering the room, messing with the clock- while watching Dumbo. It was obvious that this is a movie Tammy watches on a very regular basis. She would quote pieces of the movie about 1/2 a word ahead of the movie. That was not the interesting part. She had control of the VCR (yes, we were watching a VHS tape, crazy, I know). And I became intruiged in watching her rewind this movie. There were times that she would rewind the movie for the sounds the animals or people would make. She would imitate these sounds. This would probably be considered "normal" for many children, especially one with special needs. It was the other times she rewound the tapes that took me by surprise and made me think.
The first time she rewound the video, it was watch Dumbo, who had just gotten out of the tub, dance and play with his mother looking on lovingly. We watched this scene three times. She sat quietly, contenedly and still all three times.
The next time she rewound the tape was when Dumbo's mom "goes mad" because the kids at the circus are picking on Dumbo. Seven times, count them seven times, she hit the rewind button to watch as one little boy was yanked back, bent over the ropes and spanked by Dumbo's mother. Again, she sat still, quietly watching the TV each time.
A few minutes later, Tammy rewound the tape as the adult elephants were ignoring Dumbo. This time, though, Tammy pointedly immitated Dumbo's sadness and loneliness.
And finally, as Dumbo triumphately flies over the circus, disrubting the clowns routine and shooting peanuts at the adult elephants. Again, she imitated Dumbo "flying" the elephant in her hand around the room. As she did her circles each time, she very clearly made eye contact with me and gave me a big smile (and that was just an added blessing).
Interestingly, there were two parts she skipped, neither of which I blame her for. The first is after Dumbo drink the alcohol tainted water. Yes, Dumbo and his pal, Timothy mouse are slightly inibriated and hallucinating. It is a bit scary and kind of creepy if you really watch it. But again, this is the part she fast fowarded through. The other part she skipped was when the birds are making fun of the him and being mean and ugly to him. During both these times, while she was distracting herself with toys and such, she was also imitating some of Dumbo's reactions in these scenes.
Do I need to point out how her heart was very much expressed and protected in these scenes? Do I need to point how this child is obviously relating to the "underdog", Dumbo? Should I reveal how deep down, I too enjoyed watching those same parts over and over again because there was a since of justice? Or how I too wanted to imitate Dumbo and his sadness? And how I long to fly over the clowns and be the star of show, triumphing over all who said I would be nothing?
"...I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3
God is love.
Simple enough, yes? But as I was sitting in worship service this morning, hearing this statement, a statement I have heard my entire life, it took on a deeper meaning for me.
God is love. That becomes more difficult to grasp as I attempt to merge my concept of God and my concept of love. God is so complex, so diverse, so deep He alone is difficult, if not impossible to wrap my brain around. And love? In the society, the culture, the family I grew up in, love has so many different meanings it can become impossible to figure out which meaning applies to God. But as I let that simple three word sentence penetrate to the depths of my soul, I begin to wonder if I don’t have it all wrong. Maybe my thinking is backwards. Maybe instead of applying my definitions of love to a God I don’t understand, maybe what I need to do is discard all my definitions of love altogether and apply to my life the only definition of love that matters: God’s.
Given the complexities of God, it would seem like that would be a difficult thing to do. However, God, in His infinite wisdom and grace, gave us a very human example of Himself in the form of Christ. He gave my small, inadequate, human mind something tangible, something I can actually get.
So, I have a tangible expression of God’s love for me. What did Christ do? He gave everything He had, everything He was to make it possible for me know the God. That is the good news of the gospel. That is what brings peace, joy and hope to my daily life. This is not news to me, however, today, a deeper understanding was revealed.
I am going to in my head, change what I say, what I mean, when I say “I love you.” When I make that statement, what will now be heard in my head is “I Christ you.” Okay, okay, I know the grammar is horrible but think about that statement just for a brief minute and hear the implications deep in your soul. What is really being said in that statement is this: “I would give all that I am and all that I have for you to know God.” Is that not the truest expression of love? 1 John 4:10 read “This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” Jesus’ sacrifice was not just some ritual to fulfill the blood thirst of a vengeful, angry God. No, His sacrifice, His entire life, was for the purpose of letting us have access to and an intimate relationship with God.
So, before you say “I love you” the next time take a minute and consider do you really? Would you really give all that you have, all that you are so that the person you are talking to might know God? If not, why not? Remember what Romans 5:8 says before you heap judgment and condemnation upon that person. “…while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” If you can say, yes then ask yourself this-do I live that way to this person?
Just an FYI...This blog will be temporarily closed. Life is up in the air for the time being. Check back ever so often to see updates. But don't expect one any time soon. You are welcome to leave a comment but it will more than likely remained unchecked for the time being.
God bless.
Ginger
